The Trad Wife Who Wasn’t
Lessons from Patriarchy Hannah’s downfall
The last few days have been a whirlwind of shock, deception and betrayal in the trad wife sphere. Online influencer Patriarchy Hannah turned out to be a fraud, leaving her following in disarray and confusion.
This has caused lots of questions. “Who is she REALLY? What are red flags I should watch for in the future? How did I miss this?” And arguably the most important question of all, “Who can I trust?”.
With the prominence of online influencers in our culture, there is an increasingly stark realization that many online personas are based on ideology rather than reality.
I can’t help but remember other fraudulent influencers from times past such as Belle Gibson who lied about curing cancer with whole foods and holistic living. Or Ruby Franke of 8 Passengers who made people believe she was anything other than a criminal against children.
In leu of these influential false identities having come to light, there are lessons to be learned and we should be vigilant and on high alert.
People crave validation and belonging. It’s a tale as old as time. It’s hardwired into our DNA. It’s imprinted into every fiber of our being going all the way back to our birth. In Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, there are 5 basic needs. Physiological needs, safety needs, love and belonging needs, esteem needs, and self actualization needs. The fact that he would include those last 3 next to physiological needs such as food and water is very telling. Love, belonging, self esteem and personal growth are the biggest contributing factors to why women like Jennifer Bays, the lonely woman behind Patriarchy Hannah, would do what she did. And while it doesn’t excuse her, it does shed light onto her deprivations.
Fame is intoxicating. Not just the obvious financial aspect, but also because it fills our self esteem cup. See above. The importance and prominence it gives these people is unparalleled. And just like anything else in life that’s intoxicating, we can get lost in it.
Question perfection. There’s an old saying “If it sounds too good to be true it probably is.” Too many things about her “life” simply didn’t add up. There were many inconsistencies. Her perfect image she portrayed ended up being a fallacious mess that she should clean up. Perfection became her poison. Not just for herself, but for everyone who trusted her.
Discernment must be cultivated. I’m not sitting on a pedestal when I say this either. In fact I am mostly preaching to myself here. I am the most trusting person on earth. But we need discernment to be able to differentiate fraud from fact.
And finally, protect your emotions. I’m reminded of Proverbs 4:23 at the beginning that says “Guard your heart.” Whether we are believers or not, the same concept applies to all. We must guard our hearts from toxicity or we will be hurt for it. And if the last few days has taught us anything at all it’s that in order to lead productive and fulfilling lives we need to be careful who we get attached to.
Remember, in a world of aesthetics, be authentic.