Redirecting Energy After Friendship Loss
A few weeks ago unfolded a day I’ll never forget. Walking into my favorite brunch place, I was excited about reconnecting with a friend I hadn't seen in a decade. Yet, upon arrival, the morning took an unexpected turn. Despite a long line and an anticipated 20-minute wait, a host appeared as if by fate, declaring, “Actually, there's a table just for you. Follow me this way.” He led me directly to a spot next to another friend, who was there celebrating her birthday without me.
This strange coincidence suggested a divine, planned encounter from above. Somehow, I knew I was supposed to see this.
Mutual friends were around her, laughing and enjoying themselves, and there I was, not invited, feeling like an outsider. It didn't make sense. We had been going to each other's birthdays for years, we've gone shopping, we've stayed at the beach together. In my mind, this friend was close.
It hit me hard, realizing I wasn't as important to her as I thought. Despite the sting of being left out, I had to hold myself together. This friend I was meeting had driven an hour to see me.
A strange mix of emotions took over me. I was happy to see one friend, and hurt by another, all in the same place at the same time. It was surreal. I kept pinching myself to see if I was dreaming.
Surely this was the stuff you'd only see on a Netflix drama. How is this happening to me in real life and what did I do to deserve this? Where's the camera crew? At the very least I should be getting paid for this gut punch.
So many questions filled my mind and my self esteem took a huge hit. I've been struggling with feelings of worthlessness and self doubt. I've asked myself, "Am I valuable?"
But the truth is, that isn't the right question. The question I needed to be asking was, "Who finds me valuable?"
Well, the friend who drove an hour to meet me at the restaurant did, for instance. And how about when I came home and my husband welcomed me with open arms? He finds value in me on the daily.
I realized that day one of the most important lessons I would ever realize, and that is this:
I have an energy source inside me. Where am I putting that energy? Am I wasting it on people who exploit and use me? Am I wasting it on people who never ask if I'm ok? Am I wasting it on people who I've done things for, but they've never done anything in return? Or am I using my energy on the people who DO find value in me? My children, my husband, my best friend, my family.
Why expend energy on those who overlook my worth, when I could cherish and nurture the bonds that reciprocate love and effort?
This painful experience taught me to focus on those who see me for who I am, cherish me, and reciprocate my love and effort. These are the connections that truly matter, the ones that deserve my time, my energy, and my heart. This shift in perspective is not just about overcoming a moment of pain; it's about recognizing where my true value lies and embracing those who make life meaningful.
Where are you putting your energy today? Or more importantly, who deserves it?